Sunday, June 20, 2010

My Dad


My dad isn’t here this Father’s Day.

For the first time in my life, I face Father’s Day without my father.

He died nine months ago, on a Wednesday. I was there beside his hospital bed.

I was there.

But I still can’t believe it.

So, even though I want a happy Father’s Day for my husband -- and for all the other fathers out there -- I’m sad.

I’m just too sad.

I wish I could hug my dad today. I wish I could talk to him and hear him answer and see his face (for real, not just in pictures) and look into his eyes. I wish we could play Quoridor fifty times in a row, or however many times it would take for him to be the “Champion” and for me to remain the “Champion-to-be”…

He’ll always be the Champion -- my Champion.

I wish he could play with my daughter, lift her up and feel her giggling in his arms. I wish I could tell him that he was the greatest dad. My life will never be the same without him.

I wish, I wish, I wish…

For my sister and brother and mom, my endless love and many hugs. I know how you feel. I’m thinking of you.

For my family and friends without fathers this Father’s Day, my love and deepest sympathy.

Remember him.

“They lived and laughed and loved and left.” ~James Joyce

“[A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.” ~T.E. Kalem


I love you, Dad.

I miss you every day.

Always yours,
KJ of America

2 comments:

Masala Chica said...

Kristen - I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter that you were there - it doesn't mean the loss of someone so dear sinks in for quite a while.

Your daughter will know him through you and you can still tell him what an amazing dad he was - because he will always be there with you - whether it is in a memory that comes to you out of nowhere or a look in your daughter's eyes that reminds you of him - he lives on in love.

much love,
kiran

Kristen said...

Thank you so much, Kiran. Your thoughts made me feel so much better.
xoxo
Kristen

 

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